Transitions in marriage

In marriage I have learned a lot of things over the years, one of which is to set realistic expectations, and that life does not always go according to plans.  There have been many transitions in my own marriage; some that we glided through together and gracefully like we never had a major life change and some transitions have made us wonder what we ever liked about each other in the first place.  One thing that my parents always told me was, “when you marry someone, you marry their family as well”.  Over 12 years of marriage I feel like I finally understand not only how much of that is true but also how it really affects a marriage.

In Richard B Miller’s, “Who Is The Boss” article he states, “When children become adults, the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them. Of course, parents still have the right to set household rules concerning appropriate behavior in their house, but they no longer have the right or responsibility to tell their adult children what to do. It is now the stewardship of the adult children to make decisions concerning their own families.”


An adjustment time is needed when a couple marries and creates their own family.  While they are creating their own family, they are merging two different families as well, with different opinions, views, beliefs, traditions, and lifestyles.  It takes some time to work that all out.  For my own marriage I think it took at least 10 years and four children to feel like we have worked through that transition of our life.  Miller quotes president Kimball’s counsel, “Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it.”I think that when you are able to turn to your spouse for counsel, direction, and advice you are able to grow together, respect for each other will grow, and creates a pattern in your marriage that is positive, as couples work independently and united through life.