The Three Wolves

Elder Bruce C. Hafen, of the Quorum of the Seventy, gave an amazing talk on “Covenant Marriage” in 1996.  In his talk he shared the difference between a contractual marriage and a covenant marriage.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Quorum of the Seventy

“Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth ... because he ... careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, ... and I lay down my life for the sheep.” 2 Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee.”

He goes on to talk about the three kinds wolves that test every marriage.

         1 The first wolf is natural adversity.
         2 Second, the wolf of their own imperfections will test them.
         3 The third wolf is the excessive individualism that has spawned today’s contractual attitudes.


I feel that these are truly prevalent tests in all marriages.  In most cases the difference between covenant marriages and contractual marriages will impact the out come of those tests.  But why should we worry about Marriages?  

Elder Hafen goes on to explain this importance.  “Many people even wonder these days what marriage is? Should we prohibit same-sex marriage? Should we make divorce more difficult to obtain? Some say these questions are not society’s business, because marriage is a private contract. But as the modern prophets recently proclaimed, “marriage ... is ordained of God.” 11 Even secular marriage was historically a three-party covenant among a man, a woman, and the state. Society has a huge interest in the outcome and the offspring of every marriage. So the public nature of marriage distinguishes it from all other relationships. Guests come to weddings because, as Wendell Berry said, sweethearts “say their vows to the community as much as to one another,” giving themselves not only to each other, but also to the common good “as no contract could ever join them.”