The Marital Poop Detector



One of the things I liked most in John Gottman’s “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is the Marital Poop Detector.  What is the Martial Poop Detector?

“The Marital Poop Detector is a built-in early warning system that lets you know when your marital quality is in jeopardy.  It is a way recognizing early whether something just doesn’t smell right.”



Most often the woman takes the role of “sniffing out trouble” and leading the discussion between husbands and wives.  I know that I take the lead in sniffing out trouble in my marriage.  My husband has maybe once or twice approached a subject in our twelve-year marriage.  At first it really bothered me that it was always me bring concerns up and he would feel like I was nagging him on what he needed to do better.  At some point I changed my approach and instead of bluntly asking him about the problem I felt there was, I instead reached out and tried to connect with him on an emotional level.  I found that actions had a stronger impact than words in our marriage.

Gottman provides a weekly checklist that will help assess how your marriage is faring.
  1. I have been irritable lately.
  2. I have been feeling emotionally distant
  3. There has been a lot of tension between us.
  4. I find myself wanting to be somewhere else.
  5. I have been feeling lonely.
  6. My partner has seemed emotionally unavailable to me.
  7. I have been angry lately.
  8. We have been out of touch with each other.
  9. My partner has little idea of what I am thinking lately.
  10. We have been under a great deal of stress and it has taken its toll on us.
  11. I wish we were closer right now.
  12. I have wanted to be alone a lot lately.
  13. My partner has been irritable lately.
  14. My partner has been emotionally distant
  15. My partner's attention seems to be somewhere else.
  16. I have been emotionally unavailable to my partner.
  17. My partner has been angry lately.
  18. I have little idea of what my partner is thinking lately.
  19. My partner has wanted to be alone a lot lately.
  20. We really need to talk.
  21. We haven't been communicating very well lately.
  22. We have been fighting more than usual.
  23. Lately small issues escalate.
  24. We have been hurting one another's feelings lately.
  25. There hasn't been very much fun or joy in our lives lately.

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