Intimacy In Marriage

As we study physical intimacy and fidelity this week, the major point that stuck out to me was the attitude towards intimacy, especially within the church.  I feel like this is something that should be talked about more openly among the church.  In a world where we are constantly bombarded with sexualized images, innuendoes/references to sex, and glorifying physical satisfaction rather than the intimacy within a committed relationship.  We are so overwhelmed with these messages, there needs to be an equal amount of messages on the sacredness, respect, and beauty of intimate relationships to counteract the negative messages.

My parents fulfilled a minimum obligation when it came talking about changes in our bodies but the conversation basically ended there, with a punctuation on not engaging in sexual relations before marriage.  I have no memory of my parents discussing sex with me or with any of my siblings.  Anytime sex was brought up it was clear they were uncomfortable and if you brought it up in a casual attitude you were scolded.  The attitude taught as a youth was that sex was wrong.  I always felt like there was a missed opportunity to talk about what sex and intimacy really is, why it is so important within a marriage, waiting until marriage, how sex affects a relationship, how it can strengthen a relationship, etc.  Instead I learned about sex from my friends at school.  They were opened to talk about it, they seemed to have plenty of knowledge of the subject, but their opinions and attitudes were what the world was sharing. 

Sean E. Brotherson, shares this in “Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage”, and I think it perfectly states my feelings towards our attitude,

1. “As Latter-day Saints, most of the dialogue that we hear about sexual matters consists of two primary categories,The incessant chatter and noise of the world, Satan, and related sources that constantly hype and sensationalize sexual intimacy with distorted images of sensuality and misplaced or twisted values and expressions of sexuality.
2. The powerful and compelling warnings of prophetic leaders and caring Church members who seek to steer us away from pornography, sexual exploitation, and immorality in sexual matters.

But there is a third part of the dialogue, seldom heard or discussed, and yet it comprises perhaps the most important and powerful portion of our understanding about sexual intimacy. It is the dialogue about the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in the companionship of a married husband and wife. Too often we listen only to the first two strands of the dialogue, and if we listen long enough, we may come to believe that the only kind of discussion about sexuality that is warranted is the dialogue about what Satan tempts us to do and what the Church teaches us not to do. Such a dialogue, however important, is not a recipe for fully understanding and creating sexual fulfillment as a married couple.”

So what is the solution?  Brother Brotherson continues, “ Simply, the first step is to give yourself permission to seek answers to your concerns. As couples learn to communicate about sexual intimacy, they must learn to become comfortable with the topic and expressing their feelings and thoughts in specific ways. This is something that does not happen immediately, but over time as a couple trusts each other and learns to talk about a subject that may have been glossed over quickly or left undiscussed previously.”
These statements should be considered and applied not only to couples but as best as they can to teaching families and setting examples of positive attitudes toward sex as well.