Purpose

Throughout my future posts I will be sharing facts regarding marriage and the importance not only on individuals, but also the benefit to families, children, and communities.  Join me as I research and learn more regarding this important topic.

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The Marital Poop Detector

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One of the things I liked most in John Gottman’s “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is the Marital Poop Detector.  What is the Martial Poop Detector? “The Marital Poop Detector is a built-in early warning system that lets you know when your marital quality is in jeopardy.  It is a way recognizing early whether something just doesn’t smell right.” Most often the woman takes the role of “sniffing out trouble” and leading the discussion between husbands and wives.  I know that I take the lead in snif fing out trouble in my marriage.  My husband has maybe once or twice approached a subject in our twelve-year marriage.  At first it really bothered me that it was always me bring concerns up and he would feel like I was nagging him on what he needed to do better.  At some point I changed my approach and instead of bluntly asking him about the problem I felt there was, I instead reached out and tried to connect with him on an emoti...
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Marital Conflict

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John Gottman, in his book “the seven principles for making marriage work” discusses the two marital conflicts that are found in marriage.  There are perpetual problems and solvable problems.  Perpetual problems average 69% of marital conflicts, these are differences that are on going throughout a marriage, and some examples of perpetual problems are housework, finances, childrearing, extended family, and intimacy.  Perpetual problems does not equal unhappy marriages, that is dependent on how these perpetual problems are dealt with.  The best way to navigate through perpetual problems is with a sense of humor and good-natured.  According to Gottman, there are signs that your perpetual problems are not leading to a “happy marriage”. Conflict makes you feel rejected by your spouse You make no headway from your discussion You are unwilling to budge on your position Your discussion leaves you feeling hurt and frustrated Discussions are devoid of humor, amuseme...
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Transitions in marriage

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In marriage I have learned a lot of things over the years, one of which is to set realistic expectations, and that life does not always go according to plans.  There have been many transitions in my own marriage; some that we glided through together and gracefully like we never had a major life change and some transitions have made us wonder what we ever liked about each other in the first place.  One thing that my parents always told me was, “when you marry someone, you marry their family as well”.  Over 12 years of marriage I feel like I finally understand not only how much of that is true but also how it really affects a marriage. In Richard B Miller’s, “Who Is The Boss” article he states, “When children become adults, the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them. Of course, parents still have the right to set household rules concerning appropriate ...
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